The Cost of Perfectionism
“Follow the rules, meet or exceed expectations, and always be strong and never show weakness.”
This is just some of the advice I’ve received that lead me down a never-ending path towards perfectionism. I was living my life to be the perfect person for everyone else. I obsessed over things like making the right decisions for my children, attending every event I was invited to, being the ideal daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, friend, etc., and of course being nice and smart.
While striving to be the ideal person that others wanted me to be, life eventually showed me that this was not ever going to happen. This way of living had drastically impacted my health and well-being, so I knew it was time to do something different.
When we seek to be perfect, we are trying to fulfill external expectations while disregarding our own internal guidance.
We also are not able to see opportunities for growth seeking experiences, regardless of the outcome, but rather as endeavors that only have two options: success or failure. This prevents us from learning lessons from our perceived failures as often times the desire to be perfect causes us not to take action at all. What I discovered was perfectionism was not about being the best me I could be or even about making progress towards a goal. Perfectionism is all about what I was “doing” rather than who I was “being”.
As I continued to forge ahead on my journey to become the best version of myself, I realized there were still times I was halted in my tracks by perfectionism. While I know that there is no such thing as “perfect” and I know that I am amazing because of my “imperfections”, I still have times where I allow the thought of needing to be perfect to cause me to play smaller or not show up at all. Being seen with all of my flaws is a vulnerable place which has sometimes caused me to retreat or hide due to fear of judgment or disappointing others.
Whenever I recognize that I am allowing perfectionism to creep in and prevent me from being my most authentic self, I ask myself two questions:
1. What is perfectionism costing me?
2. Who do I get to be when I let go of perfectionism?
My real cost of perfectionism.
Perfectionism was costing me experiences to learn, grow, and develop my own identity. It was costing me my authentic connection and relationship to my higher self. It was slowing down my pursuit to realizing my dreams. Perfectionism was stealing the joy out of journey of my life. Ultimately, perfectionism was costing me my own experience of Divine Freedom, the intuitive knowing that I was born with the right to live my most authentic life. I was literally giving away my power to attempt to fulfill standards that weren’t even set by me.
Who do I choose to be when I let go of perfectionism?
By releasing the idea that I had to live according to someone else’s standards, I choose to experience self-agency: my right to be in control of my own choices as an independent, sovereign being. I choose to be the truest, most authentic version of myself. I choose to live congruently, unapologetically, and with no fear of judgement or failure. By letting go of perfectionism, I choose to be a woman that establishes and honors my boundaries while filling my cup up first. I choose to determine my own value and self-worth while having self-compassion and empathy for my mistakes. I choose to be joyful and courageous instead of fearful. I choose to reclaim by divine freedom by demanding self-agency.
If you are struggling with perfectionism (or even attempting to meet standards or expectations that you did not establish), I encourage you to take some time to reflect on what this is really costing you and who do you choose to be by releasing it. My hope is for every woman to experience Divine Freedom and to know it is not found outside of ourselves nor is it something we have to earn or prove to receive. It’s our birthright!
